I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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