I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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