so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
