i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
