She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
