hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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