One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
