u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
