I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize