Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
