Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
