unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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