i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
