i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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