This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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