I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize