Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
