Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
