i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
