so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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