I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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