why didn't you poke me back
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
