No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A bitchslap is in order.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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