I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
