My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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