grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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