im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
