my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
