I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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