the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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