great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
