They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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