I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
