I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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