i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
