Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
