If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
