I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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