come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
