You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
