I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
