Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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