oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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