Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
