Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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