And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
