Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
