I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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