I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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