I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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