I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
