why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
