he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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