I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
