Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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