Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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