She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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