can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
