This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
