I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
