So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
