i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
