My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
