am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
