I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
