Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
