If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
