I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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