I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
