Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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