The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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