OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
