I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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