the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
