I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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