Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
